I spend a lot of time thinking about social services strategies and techniques. That’s probably not too surprising, considering I have a job description that includes promoting the welfare of others. By its very definition, social services exist to develop ways to help the people we serve – our clients.
However, people outside my industry don’t always understand what I do or why I do it. To outsiders, my job can appear futile, hopeless, or even depressing. But of course, I disagree with all of those misconceptions. As someone specializing in working with people with developmental disabilities, I deal in hope, incremental progress, and compassion. When I look around at other industries, I sometimes wish they could borrow a few moves from our playbook. Here are some tried and true strategies from the social services world that can help people increase their emotional intelligence and succeed in any industry.
Meet People Where They Are
I say this a lot. It’s kind of my professional mantra because it is one of the most useful tools I have. Meeting people where they are means that I don’t wish they were someone or something else. It’s about acceptance without judgment. As someone who works with people with developmental disabilities and a history of behavioral issues, I have to keep my professional mantra top of mind at all times.
The only thing my clients have in common is that they struggled in their past situations. Some of our clients are verbally abusive. Some want to be physically abusive. Some have serious health issues. Many have come to us from poverty, abusive homes, or even prison. In fact, when they arrive at CIS, some clients don’t have a clear understanding of basic boundaries or social expectations. It can be overwhelming at times.
When I “meet people where they are,” I let go of my wishes and focus on their reality. I know that if these troubled people could behave another way right now, they would. It’s up to me to reset my expectations. When I meet them where they are, I can figure out what they need right now to help them get through the next few hours. I don’t focus on what they’ve done or why I should or shouldn’t like them. Instead, I meet them as a person with needs at this moment. I accept that life made them as they are. It’s my job to initiate plans that can help them change and grow into their next stage.
Understand That It Takes Time to Trust
It’s hard to make progress without trust. However, all humans withdraw confidence as a defense against tough times. My clients often come to CIS after living extraordinarily challenging lives, so their guards are up. While CIS works very hard to provide safe, predictable environments for our clients, these people are unable to simply shift gears and trust. Instead, we must give each client who comes to CIS the time they need to build their confidence in us. And that can take months, even years.
The hardest thing about waiting for trust is to withhold impatience. We must internalize the fact that if we are doing our part by being compassionate and consistent, our clients are moving as fast as they can. And many can’t trust us quickly. That’s not their fault. They’re not being stubborn or intentionally shutting us out. One of the biggest lessons any person can learn is that it takes time to trust, and a failure to trust is not intentional or controllable.
Don’t Generalize
It is so tempting to evaluate a client and think, “This one is just like the one who came in a few months ago. Let’s treat them the same.” However, the combination of human personalities, traumas, and disorders is almost infinite, which means that people are almost never the same. What works to help one person may actually make another person regress. So it’s essential to take the time to analyze and understand each person as a genuine individual.
Think About What People Need for a Fulfilling Life
Outside of my job, my friends and family have a wide range of definitions of a fulfilling life. So it’s not surprising that our clients with developmental disabilities also have different hopes and dreams. For some of our clients, fulfillment comes when they can go to a paying job each day. For others, fulfillment is as simple as learning how to fry an egg. Fulfillment is individualized as each person, so we take a lot of time with our clients to find out what their goals are, what their abilities are, and map out a path where the two meet.
Celebrate Small Victories
Whether you are an individual with a developmental disability at CIS or a wildly successful CEO, my advice is to take note of the small victories and celebrate them wholeheartedly. In my experience, life unfolds in inches, not yards. Really big accomplishments are few and far between.
Be Reliable
Show up. Do what you say you will, on time. Tell a reasonably polite version of the truth. Don’t make promises you may or may not be able to keep. When you do these things, you will find that the smallest and the biggest tasks become much more manageable.
Stop Looking for the Best Way
If there were one sure way to fix something, we’d all do it. If there were one straight path to success, we’d all take it. If there were one right way to do any given task, we’d all be doing it. But there isn’t one best way. There is the best way for you. Or the best strategy for now. Or the best course considering what you’ve got or haven’t got. Stop focusing on efficiency or perfection and stay flexible.
Progress Isn’t Guaranteed, But That’s No Reason to Give Up
No matter how much we want to help people, we’ll always encounter those who don’t seem to improve. Maybe they continue to lash out. Or they seem much better, and then they lapse. Or perhaps you’ve tried ten different approaches, and they don’t respond to any. In social services (and in life), progress is not guaranteed. But that doesn’t mean we get to give up. Even when someone seems beyond our help, we never stop trying, searching, and continuing to strive. Maybe we can’t help everyone, but we can never stop trying.
In social services, meeting people where they are, and the other strategies listed here are second natures. But I have found that they’re not always common in other industries. That’s too bad. With a little extra empathy, compassion, and patience, you may find your attitude shifts, and your effectiveness increases.